Handing Over Control

What a crazy week I've had. On an emotional level, it has probably been the most emotionally difficult and taxing week I've ever had as an ECE. From moments of sheer terror, to sorrowful hearts hearing of news of deaths to the dear families that I deal with on a day-to-day basis, to having to put on a happy face when friends come over, to funerals, to Christmas parties, to organizing Christmas fun for the children, to worrying about my safety, the children's safety and a certain child's safety. And that's just scratching the surface.

A lot has been on my mind this week. Since my last post, I feel like some of the questions k was asking have only gotten stronger and others have seemed to have been answered. I feel a change in my life is necessary. A drastic change. I'm not sure what that all entails, but I have a few pieces of news to share. I have finished writing an application to take a working holiday in Australia. What a crazy, scary but exciting thought. I've been talking about moving away for a long time. This visa seems to be a good option as it's only valid for a year with an extension of a year. Two years in Australia? I can handle that... I think. I have yet to tell most of my family that I've completed the application, after all, I haven't submitted it yet. I'm working up the guts to push that submit button. At the same time, I've come to realize that while going back to school is still something I would like to do, I don't think that it's the change I'm looking for.  I found a few programs that seem interesting enough and wouldn't take more than a year to complete, but that option will always be there. This opportunity to experience moving to a new country for a limited time is a once in a lifetime kind of thing and it seems that now if the perfect time to do so. I no longer have young people's commitments for the first time in 12 years, I'm not married or dating someone, and I don't have children. Now is the ideal time for me to venture into adventure.

However, having said that, new questions have risen. Can I be away from my family that long? Do I want to be away from my family that long? What will I miss out on here? What about that year (or two) of my nephews and nieces lives? What about my parents as they get older and require more help? What about leaving my friends behind without knowing a single person in Australia? What's the church family like out there? Where would I find a job? Where would I live? What about spiders and bugs and crocodiles? But then, I think of the culture, the beauty, the experiences and the independence of having to forge your own way. It scares and excites me all at the same time.

I was just reading through one of my favourite books and I came to this quote. "Jesus once said this to those closest to Him: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heave. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. (Matthew 5:3-5) In other words, you're blessed when you are out of options and all you can do is lean on God. Because when you realize your need for God, it is only then that you tap into His immeasurable greatness and goodness. You're blessed when you've been stripped of that which is most precious to you. Only then can you be tenderly embraced by the One most precious to you."

Wow. What strong words. Whether you are being stripped of your belongings, family (through death, moving or other reasons), feelings of security, feelings of happiness and joy, or whatever it is, that when you are at your lowest, does God bless you the most when you have no other choice but to lean on Him. That's what He wants, He wants you to lean on Him and trust Him for all things, no matter your circumstance, good or bad. And it's only then, can we truly receive God's full abundance of blessings. What a Mighty God we serve!

I pray that I may continually seek Him in all areas of life, and hand my heart and my life over to Him completely.

God's Provision

So here I am, on Sunday night after a day of worshipping the Lord and having some social fellowship with young people's. And after a walk, supper and dessert we got talking about Camp Tamarack. A weeklong conference that has been hosted by our youth group for the last 20 years. What an incredible blessing it has been to so many! It's been a privilege and blessing to be able to devote myself wholeheartedly to this endeavour for the last 12 years. Anyways, we got to talking about videos from the past in particular - certain memories from talent nights gone past. Someone asked if I had any old videos and of course I spent no time waiting for a second invitation to pull out an old Tamarack DVD from 2007. We watched bits and pieces of the video as well as Talent Night. It was really fun to see many faces of friends from the past or even some of the many people I've met along the way. It was such fun to watch and laugh at the old skits that were just as funny as when we saw them back in the day. After finishing the video mostly everyone left except one dear friend who stayed behind to talk and hang out a little longer. We talked about many things including the old Tamarack days and I got to reminiscing about old times and while there were definitely a lot of fun moments, it also came with a lot of frustrating moments as well. I realize that as the people who organize camp change (as a person themselves or if they leave and new people join) that Tamarack must change as well. It's hard to have something that has impacted your whole life for the last twelve years, suddenly no longer be a part of your life. I poured my heart and soul into camp and I feel I reaped so many benefits because of my hard work and dedication through the blessing of the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray for those who are now taking on the major planning roles at camp and I hope they can reap those same benefits.

Then as I drove my friend home, my mind suddenly started racing with thoughts of the future. How could I move past something that has impacted me so greatly? Am I supposed to just let it go? Is it the right time to leave something so great? What's the reason I'm leaving? After all, it's not like I'm married, (or even dating) so I must have some kind of free time on my hands, right? At least, that's what people seem to think.. The truth is, it's just time. Time to move on. While I love (and I mean L.O.V.E.) Tamarack wholeheartedly and it's gut wrenching to leave it behind, I know that the Lord will continue to bless it for many years to come. I can only hope that it will continue long enough for me to one day come back as a chaperone, or even send my own children to camp.

Back to the future... (Wait, is it 1985?)

Anyways, as I was saying I got thinking about the future. Ever since this end of this last Tamarack, I can't help but feel unsettled. Unsettled about what? I have no idea. What am I supposed to do know? Go back to school? Work abroad? Find a different job? Buy a new car? (Got in a car accident and my car isn't worth fixing). Move out of my parents home? So many thoughts and questions in my mind. As the future seems so uncertain I am again reminded of how the Lord provides. He has provided for 20 years of Tamarack and I have seen it first hand in so many different instances, from the weather, to the activities, the speakers, the campers, the camp staff and so much more. How then can I doubt that the Lord will not also provide for me? He is the Almighty, All-Powerful, All-Knowing Provider. I leave with these verses on my mind tonight taken from Luke 12.

"Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

Luke 12:22-28

And from Philippians

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Phil 4:19

'Til next time.

Welcome!

Well, my first post on this new blog. I had a personal blog previously had a blog but found that I didn't really keep up with it, and to be completely honest, I'm not sure how dedicated I'll be to this one due to the fact that my time is already stretched pretty thin. I've been finding lately that I come home extremely tired, exhausted and just mentally spent. My days are quite taxing and take a lot out of me, not to mention my crazy after work schedule, family life, camp planning, and then throw in program planning, evaluations and staff meetings. But I guess that's what I signed up for when I joined this profession. Anyways - I'm hoping to use this blog as a way for me to relieve some stress and maybe even post some ideas of crafts and activities that I've done with the children at work. However for now, this is all I'll be posting and I hope to put a new post up soon! Take care and toodles!