What a crazy week I've had. On an emotional level, it has probably been the most emotionally difficult and taxing week I've ever had as an ECE. From moments of sheer terror, to sorrowful hearts hearing of news of deaths to the dear families that I deal with on a day-to-day basis, to having to put on a happy face when friends come over, to funerals, to Christmas parties, to organizing Christmas fun for the children, to worrying about my safety, the children's safety and a certain child's safety. And that's just scratching the surface.
A lot has been on my mind this week. Since my last post, I feel like some of the questions k was asking have only gotten stronger and others have seemed to have been answered. I feel a change in my life is necessary. A drastic change. I'm not sure what that all entails, but I have a few pieces of news to share. I have finished writing an application to take a working holiday in Australia. What a crazy, scary but exciting thought. I've been talking about moving away for a long time. This visa seems to be a good option as it's only valid for a year with an extension of a year. Two years in Australia? I can handle that... I think. I have yet to tell most of my family that I've completed the application, after all, I haven't submitted it yet. I'm working up the guts to push that submit button. At the same time, I've come to realize that while going back to school is still something I would like to do, I don't think that it's the change I'm looking for. I found a few programs that seem interesting enough and wouldn't take more than a year to complete, but that option will always be there. This opportunity to experience moving to a new country for a limited time is a once in a lifetime kind of thing and it seems that now if the perfect time to do so. I no longer have young people's commitments for the first time in 12 years, I'm not married or dating someone, and I don't have children. Now is the ideal time for me to venture into adventure.
However, having said that, new questions have risen. Can I be away from my family that long? Do I want to be away from my family that long? What will I miss out on here? What about that year (or two) of my nephews and nieces lives? What about my parents as they get older and require more help? What about leaving my friends behind without knowing a single person in Australia? What's the church family like out there? Where would I find a job? Where would I live? What about spiders and bugs and crocodiles? But then, I think of the culture, the beauty, the experiences and the independence of having to forge your own way. It scares and excites me all at the same time.
I was just reading through one of my favourite books and I came to this quote. "Jesus once said this to those closest to Him: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heave. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. (Matthew 5:3-5) In other words, you're blessed when you are out of options and all you can do is lean on God. Because when you realize your need for God, it is only then that you tap into His immeasurable greatness and goodness. You're blessed when you've been stripped of that which is most precious to you. Only then can you be tenderly embraced by the One most precious to you."
Wow. What strong words. Whether you are being stripped of your belongings, family (through death, moving or other reasons), feelings of security, feelings of happiness and joy, or whatever it is, that when you are at your lowest, does God bless you the most when you have no other choice but to lean on Him. That's what He wants, He wants you to lean on Him and trust Him for all things, no matter your circumstance, good or bad. And it's only then, can we truly receive God's full abundance of blessings. What a Mighty God we serve!
I pray that I may continually seek Him in all areas of life, and hand my heart and my life over to Him completely.
